🌞 staying sunny🌞

For as long as I can remember I haven’t been a very happy person. I mean, you wouldn’t know that by just looking at me,or hanging out with me, or even living with me. I’m good at faking shit (orgasms inclusive……-Aaayyyyy) And you wouldn’t know how I feel till I want you to, so I show you. 

I’m used to hiding my feelings. Because I don’t think it’s necessary for anyone else to know. I mean you know then what? It’s not like you can do anything about it. 

I wouldn’t call it depression, because I feel other people’s cases of depression are far worse than mine so I’ll call it  Dark Days. These happened from early 2015 but reached their peak in between February and March. 

I have never felt more alone and sad and angry on my life. I was always scared to go to sleep, because then I would think about all the reasons why I am alone and I have no friends and shit like that. I mean, all my friends suddenly had boyfriends and wanted to be doing lovey dovey-creating memories and stuff like that with them. So I was alone. I have been so scared/ sad that I cried myself to sleep multiple times. I could only sleep if I slept with someone. Shout outs to everyone who shared their small student sized bed with me during that period. God bless your souls. 

And then as if to make things worse, one of my closest friends stopped talking to me. There’s a whole lot of bs attached here. I suppose we were both wrong but yeah that happened. 

I needed to be occupied. Do something. Be somewhere. Get high or buzzed or something to not be in that dark space. It was draining. 

I don’t remember exactly when the realisation hit me, but it did. And I realised I was in control of my own happiness. Constantly feeding my sadness wasn’t going to help. Hell, I was getting like 3 hours of sleep each day and thinking it was fine. That I was fine. 

So I made a conscious effort to actually make myself happy. My mom always says this, “if you don’t happy yourself, who go happy you?” My happiness was in my own hands. I came to understand also that happiness was a fleeting thing. You can’t be happy forever. It’s for a moment, a while, an hour. It was a facade that had clouded us and made us think it was supposed to be forever. So many people try to find it for eternity and end up losing their soul. You know chasing money, girls, power…… 

So yeah, I decided to make myself happy. I responded to everything positively. I started using the sun emoji more because, I dont know the sun is so happy! All the songs about sunshine are good songs if you’ve noticed too. Spreading sunshine = spreading happiness. If you feel sad, try making someone else happy. That lights up a little spark inside that can hold the darkness at bay till the next sunshine.

I was living sunny side up. Or at least trying to. Fake it till you make it, right? 

I’ve not made it. I get sad sometimes about Lord knows what. Most of the time I’m numb… Unfeeling. But the small moments I get to laugh GENUINELY about something or be excited about something or someone, I enjoy it. Every bit of it. Cos if I can’t have the entire sun, I’ll enjoy the bit of sunshine that comes out from behind the clouds. And spread it to everyone else. 

🌞🌞🌞

Adoption over Conception – Bad Apples Don’t Fall Far

Ruth

Over the years, deciding whether I want biological children has been a battle. For a while I didn’t want any at all and then I decided that I was going to adopt rather than try to conceive as this may be a lost cause due to medical reasons. I have since thought to myself that children will come however they come. I now know that I definitely want some but I was not fussed about how I was going to have them. The plan was to get married, wait and see if I get pregnant, if not, we’d adopt…simple right? Not so much.

I’m currently going through a depression relapse. Over the last few months my mood and behaviour has changed and as much as I have been trying to control it, I’ve been unsuccessful. Last week monday, while leaving my uncle’s house to go back to my place on…

View original post 617 more words

Shaming Women With “Ashawo” Won’t Make Your Dick Bigger

Asaase Yaa Mma

https://twitter.com/obaa_boni/status/556881288326819841

Sexism is stealing Ghanaian women’s orgasms in the following two ways. First, by attacking women for being sexual. Second, through a backward imagination of sex that causes your boyfriend to jam his penis into your unlubricated vagina repeatedly and overzealously, rabid rabbit style, until you begin quietly praying that this miserable experience masquerading as sex, is finally over. Sexual repression is the reason women having sex is viewed as a favor to men. Frankly, Ghanaian women deserve better. Yaa Asantewaa did not fight the British for Ghanaian women to suffer through unguided genital jabs, and sexist insults, such as “area hoe”, for daring to live a sexually fulfilled pleasurable life.

View original post 968 more words

Fantasy

I’m in love ❤️

braincane

I could take whiffs of your smelly hair
It’s the rainy season and you got braids on
I could eat a full plate of your cooking
Even if your jollof tastes Nigerian
I could look into your eyes
Whilst rocking
Watching how the soul tie makes you more beautiful
I could inhale your morning breath
Knowing that’s exactly how mine smells
Since our lips are all that we had last night
And tongue
And saliva
Eew
We could kiss  through that stank breath
Just to show how deep this is
Just because we can
I could be a shoulder to cry on
Because as happy as we could be,
We all have pain
I’ll surely give you my shirt to wash if you get your phlegm in it
I could scare you in the hallway
To take pictures of your scared face
And let you hug me
Because I will…

View original post 101 more words

Almost Happy

I got my styrofoam cup filled to the brim with some cyanide and dreams 

These lights have many tales it seems 

These lights have dreams I could steal 

The street lights consuming my MO 

They always hiding my shadows 

I bask in their yellow light 

And I’m almost happy 

These stars look bright tonight 

Sipping from my tea cup filled with nightmares and deceit 

They twinkle like the tears in my eyes 

And I know I’m not the only one who’s dead but alive

And I’m almost happy 

The moon shines bright alright 

But it’s just there cos the sun batters it day and night 

Look at her bruises as I take bite 

Of the blood,sweat and tears lathered in cherry and icing 

And I swear I’m almost happy 

Blistering on and on 

It’s brewing inside,deep down 

It’s giving me faint desires 

The poison is sweet this time 

And I’m almost happy 

I swear the lights are blinding me 

Grab me a cup of cocaine 

Your lights are harbouring 

There ain’t nothing wrong  I want propane 

Engage my senses please

Let my demons fill these please 

Another glass of bubbling torture 

And I’m almost happy 

Love, love 

Fill me with love, please Love 

Fill me Love, sweet love 

All of the above, please Love 

Cos  I’m almost happy 

Happiness is just a faint fickle reminder 

That the sun shines a little warm sometimes and sometimes it’s too cold 

A strange affliction brewing in your heart and soul 

And it’s tearing you apart and you want me to pursue it ? 

You got mad jokes

But hey, I’ll play along 

Grab me some, let’s light a couple 

I’m almost happy g. 

The Middleman

She said she thinks about you every day 

The songs on her playlist sing about you when she sleeps at night 

She wishes that your arms were hers to hold 

And your chest was the pillow she cries into 

She said she loves his lips 

The way he makes her smile when you’re no longer around 

She said she likes him still 

A bit too much but she loves you baby 

This is what your girl told me to tell you 

The message has been trifled but it’s the same,same thing 

She said she misses your lonely smile 

She kisses your forehead every night 

The message is the same thing she told me 

Her lips trembled a bit as she said your name 

Her fingers lingered on your caller ID 

As your name dropped further down her contact list 

He said he’s heard it all 

He shrugged and took two stepped and he shook his head 

He said he’d seen it all 

He doesnt know what games you’re playing but he’s seen it all 

The way your face lights up when you’re with him

A smile so bright the sun weeps for failing 

The way your hands intertwine when you walk past his house

And you don’t even glance there, he thinks your memory’s clean of him now

He said he’s seen it all 

Your hands are still dripping with his blood after you tore out part his heart 

It hasn’t even healed and you still want more 

He said that you were Greedy, or was it Freddy, or an attention whore 

He said he’s seen it all. 

The message has been trifled with but it’s the same damn thing 

He misses your smile and your trembling Lips 

The perfume from your neck is still stuck in his sheets 

Three different laundries couldn’t take it out it seems

He hates your guts for making him fall in love 

He hates your smile for haunting him all day long 

It’s the same damn message said in a different way 

He hates that he loves you so you must go far away 

It’s the same old message 

I think I’ve seen it all and I’ve heard it too 

Your stories are all jambled in my head and it’s making me dead 

Just talk to each other gaddamn 

Your egos and pride are in a deadly tango 

A game of chess to see who would give up first 

Better make a move before they kill you both 

I see your souls leaving

As I pass on your notes 

why I am single

I constantly get asked, “why are you single?” 

Like as soon as you’re labelled “pretty” or “in uni” you should immediately be linked to another of the opposite sex. 

Usually I feel very pushed to answer,”since you are so concerned why don’t you cuff me?” 

But I’m good with fake smiles (I did go to Gey Hey after all) so I just smile it off. (Best advice from The Penguins of Madagascar; just smile and wave boys) . 

So instead here’s my response for whoever wants to know why I’m single. 

 Our generation is so made up of people who are too scared to commit to a relationship, but too scared to be alone. 

Or too horny to be alone. 

And so everyone has a thing with somebody, but there is no definition of this thing. 

They just hang out, smoke a joint, go clubbing, and release all their sexual frustrations on each other. 

We are everything but that label: Together. Boyfriend. Girlfriend. Lovers. 

We are nothing.

Most people are in a relationship because all their friends are dating and they don’t want to be alone. And they get lonely and they just want to be held. This is usually girls. 

Most guys are in a relationship because that’s the only way he’s going to hit. I mean, he’s a teenager with raging hormones, of course he wants sex. 

Few, very few, are in relationships because they genuinely love and care about someone and want to see the person grow and want the person to help them grow. 

That’s the kind I want. 

Some one I’ll grow with. Build an empire with. Change the world with. I want someone who will laugh at me and with me. Motivate me to be better. I want to be in a relationship with my best friend. I want to be in a relationship with someone I can see my self living with forever. Sharing memories with. Growing old together. 

So to answer whoever asks why I’m single, the answer is, I’m not waiting for Mr Right or Mr Right Now. I’m waiting for Mr. Right for me. 

You know all of this was a bunch of bullshit paper clipping right? In summary, I’m single because I’m picky. I mean have you seen me? I can’t date just anyone! You alll are below me, filthy peasants. 

-sunshine Goddesss, sub goddess to Asaase Yaa, Poetic Nymph of the 3rd dimension,  Third eye to Ogun,  Akuaba doll,Benewaa-Sama 

pretty boy

I fell in love with a pretty boy 

A song in tow 

Heart strapped across his toes 

As he tip toes across these hoes 

Cupid could never shoot his arrows 

He was just a pretty boy 

With a simple song 

A smiling voice 

A fleeting dare 

That made me stare 

He had me wrapped around his simple song with his smiling voice and his heart 

I made this Pretty boy fall in love 

He stepped too hard 

His heart became undone 

It fell into the deepest cracks 

I saw it puncture and leave behind  a trail of blood 

He clawed his way to a heart beat 

That had become undone 

And I just stood there watching his heart stop 

I just stood there 

That’s the only way I know to love

Cos I started with a full big heart 

I was giving it out to whoever sold love 

And they would always rip it out and it became undone 

And it would always fall in some well 

Well done 

As the waters became cloudy with my blood everytime 

I left it there to pump itself out or drown 

This the only way I’ve ever known love 

Pretty boy this the only way I’ve ever shown love 

Pretty boy

With a simple song 

Patch up your heart and string it with your song 

I’ll walk away as you chose tomorrow 

I’ll walk away to spread more love. 

i was raped by my neighbour

Inksode challenge 

Day 4 

Rape 

I’d known Lisa all my life. She was pretty with legs that reached into the heavens and skin that felt like silk. Her hair was full of tight black curls and her face held an eternal dimple in her left cheek. Her eyes were dark brown and big and enveloped by thick fluttery eyelashes. She was a goddess. And she liked me. 

She was older too. Turning 19 in a bit and I was 16. But she still hang out with me. Told me I was cute and often kicked my ass at FIFA. I’d always get my revenge at 2K though. She was amazing. Her favourite teams were Real Madrid, LA Clippers, and the Raptors. I have no idea why. She loved race cars and we’d often do for a spin in her dads Honda when he wasn’t around. 

She was everything I wanted in a girl, but she wasn’t my girl. She’d kiss me with her lips so soft and her tongue exploring mine. Then she’ll say, “goodbye bestie”. Killed me everytime. But that was how it was. I was a little boy and she was a big girl. 

Her boyfriend went to uni with her. He drove a red Toyota Camry and had a buzz cut to go with the set of muscles he was packing on his arms. He looked dumber than 5pesewa coin and I never understood why Lisa was with him. 

“Lee,” I said to her as we playedFIFA, “why do you date such a dumb guy?”

She laughed. Her laugh sounded like a wind chime and her dimple got deeper, ” why? Who would you rather I date?” She asked. 

“I don’t know. Someone smart and intelligent and right for you. A real man.”

“A real man like yourself Kway?”

I turned to look at her, and immediately her lips were on mine, needing, wanting, hungry. She pushed me to the carpet and straddled me, her lips still on mine. 

It felt so good, but it was wrong so wrong. 

“Lisa, this isn’t right,” i said, breaking away. 

She pressed her index to my lips, and whispered in a sultry voice I’d never heard before,”shush Kwaku. Everything is going to be alright. Trust me”

With that her shirt came off with her bra and my Shorts came off right after. I was rock hard. I didn’t want to. I mean Lisa was more or less family. I’d known her since I was a kid. This wasn’t right from any angle. Besides she had a boyfriend and imagine how pi….. 

Whoa her lips were on me. I looked down and she was peering at me from under her long lashes. My toes curled in satisfaction. What was she doing! 

Then she was sitting on top of me again. This time her jeans were gone. I could see the lace trimmings of her pink thong escaping between her butt cheeks. She grabbed my hands and placed them on her butt as she gyrated against  me, my penis lodged in a crevice between her thighs. It was wet. I could feel it through her panties. 

“Do you like that Kway?” Her eyes half closed in pleasure, her voice escaping in shallow breathes, “Do you want more?” 

” no,” I blurted out, “Lisa I don’t want …. This is bad….you have a boyfriend”. 

Then she grabbed my penis and said with a smirk, “you’re saying no but your body is saying yes. Be a man, Kway.”

And with that she enveloped me in the warm, moist cocoon between her thighs and I nearly died. 

Even as she rode me, slowly then faster, I knew this was wrong. But I lost all sense and reason when we both hit our climax. She trembled lightly on top of me as my toes curled and I held on tight to her for dear life. 

Immediately her trembling seize, she got up, put on her clothes and headed for the door. 

“Don’t worry.” She said shaking out her curls, “I’ll take pills. Goodbye bestie. You’re the man” 

And she skipped out, leaving me on the carpet with my shorts pulled down to my ankles and looking stupid. 

The shocking mantra repeating in my head: I was just raped by my neighbour. I was just raped by my neighbour……

Zero

Inksode Challenge 

Day 3 

Zero 

“Forever I’ve been told to be number 1

Number 2 is just number 1 who lost 

Number 3 just didn’t try hard enough 

Numbers 4 through to 10 are there to make 1 look better 

I was to be a number 1

But I want to be infinitive 

I want to be undefined and unknown 

I want to be mysterious and scarce

I want to be unique 

But since there’s no number for infinitive I’ll be zero 

Zero is before 1 anyways but no one knows 

She’s mysterious and unique 

A circlular string of continuity 

That’s what I want to be a zero”

Mother slaps the poetic nonsense from my cheeks And repeats 

“You will be number 1 and that is that. Silly girl”